Busy days!

I haven't posted in this blog in so long!  It's not because what's happening during our days aren't important, it's because they are busy.  YOU are busy!!!  You are lots of things these days.....you are so smart, you are adorable, you are extremely strong-willed, you are kind, you are so very funny and you are very much finding your voice. 

I love spending time with you and wish I could stay home with you instead of taking you to daycare so I can work.  I feel guilty Every. Single. Morning.  I fight the guilt and take you.  If staying home with you were even remotely a possibility, your amazing Dad & I would make it happen.....we just can't right now.  You have fun at Miss Lacy's house.  You are kind of the bully.  Did I mention you are strong-willed?  You know what you want and you go out and get it.....stay that way.

You started saying "NO." last week.  It is your go-to response.  So far you have promised us lots of things....we'll be sure to remind you when you're 16.  Today you started saying "uh oh."  and you love to say "MaMa DaDa", but you will say the Mama part really loudly and whisper the DaDa.  You are so cute and we are loving being your parents.  If the sun is up, you are very much a Momma's girl, but if you wake up in the night only Daddy will do.  He says you just melt in his arms the second he picks you up.  Pure sweetness.

Don't get me wrong, it's not easy.  If, God forbid, we're not around to tell you this and none of your friends will ball up and tell you the truth about parenthood, let me assure you it's not for the faint of heart!  Have I mentioned you are strong-willed?  You came by that trait honestly....your dad & I may have passed that along.  There are just moments where I want to pull my hair out and run screaming down the street because I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, or I'm doing a horrible job being your mom, or I think that you surely must hate me or you'd never do what you just did, or a thousand other thoughts that parents think during the hard moments.  Then you flash that sweet smile, or you give me a hug, or you just look at me and my heart melts and all is forgotten.  Yes, it happens that fast. The love is that strong.  You are that amazing.

Your Dad & I are calling it a night now because your internal alarm will not allow you (or anyone else in the house) to sleep past 7.....something else we will remind you of when you're 16.  

Almost a year....

It's almost been a year since you were born.   The love I feel for you is indescribable.  I loved you when I first saw you, but not like this.  In those first moments of your life I loved you, I was worried about you, and I was scared for both of us (your dad was fine...a little freaked out, but fine).  I didn't know you, we just met, but I loved you.  In the months since, I have gotten to know you; your laugh, the way you squint your eyes and crinkle your nose when you smile, your sweet voice and the way you love to touch my hair.  Every single day that passes, I love you more.  I don't know how it's possible, but it happens.  

You are every good thing about your Dad & I.  You are the best thing we have ever done. 

I can't fathom how a year has already passed.  I'm scared that the years to come are going to pass as fast as this one has....or faster.  I can't imagine loving you more than I do today, but I know I will. 

Your Daddy & I love you baby girl.  Today & Forever. 

The Not So Themeless Party

I've been working on your very 1st birthday party a lot these last few days.  I want it to be special without being overdone.  I want it to be simple without seeming cheap.  I want it to be classic but still feel comfortable.  I want it to be as perfect for you as you are to us.

I never dreamed planning your party would stir up all these emotions.  I miss your MeMe & Poppa D a lot.  Not having them around to help plan is hard and shines a light on what is still a very raw wound.  You deserve to have them watch you blow out (or try to eat) your candle.  That is the only gift I really want to give you, but I can't.

Back to your party.  EVERYONE keeps asking me what the theme is for your party.  You're going to be 1...that's the theme.  Why do all parties have to have themes?  I don't understand that.  It's not that I don't like themes for parties, I just don't get why ALL parties have to have them.  I'm a firm believer that until you tell me what you want the theme to be, I should just throw you a simple party.

That's what I thought anyway....until tonight.

I'm writing this at midnight.  I've been going over things I need to get, stuff that needs to be done and necessities (I'm using that term very loosely) that still need to be ordered, for hours and I can't turn my brain off.  As I've been doing these things, picking out just the right this, or the perfect that, it hit me.

For your party we are using my Momarene's dishes and cake stand.  Things of great value to me and they just happened to be in the perfect color pink and milk glass white.  I've found fantastic fabric online to create the cutest decorations.  Things that while they are old, will be new to me, but oddly familiar and comforting.   I finally got to a stopping point and went to go lay down in bed next to your father who fell asleep hours ago.  As I laid my head down on the pillow, I realized what the theme of your party is....

It's a Mamaw & Momarene party.  It is all the things I loved most about my grandmothers all wrapped up and handed to you on your very first birthday.  Momarene's class and easy elegance paired beautifully with Mamaw's beautiful and simple craftiness.

It is the greatest theme in history.....The Women From Which You Came. 

It is your history my sweet baby girl.

The Days of Sickness

Well kiddo, it seems as though we may survive RSV after all.  You are feeling lots better & your dad and I are on the mend too.  I thought you should know what the days were like while you've been sick for 2 reasons; 1) so if you have a baby with RSV, you'll know what we did and 2) maybe you will have some appreciation for all the little things we did for you.

A typical day in Courter house under RSV Quarantine:

7:00am ~ wake you up if you're not already awake and crying
7:03am ~ feed you
7:10am ~ you get nebulized while you watch Bubble Guppies (currently your most beloved TV show)
7:20am ~ you & daddy stand in the shower with only the hot water running to create as much steam as possible
7:50am ~ daddy leaves for work
7:51-9:10am ~ you, Fanny & I play, read, laugh, cuddle and do whatever else we can to take our minds off how horrible we feel
9:11am ~ you eat breakfast/snack
9:30am ~ you go down for a Happy Nappy
9:31am ~ I pray (literally) that you will get some rest so your little body will heal
9:31am ~ daddy came home to help while I tried to get some work done
10:30-11:00am ~ you would wake from your nap, if you ever fell asleep.  A full 45 minutes before you were supposed to be up
11:00am ~ you get nebulized while you watch Bubble Guppies
11:14am ~ you & daddy stand in the steam shower
11:25-12:00pm ~ we try to entertain you and keep you happy while making lunch and trying not to die from this horrible virus
12:00pm ~ feed you
12:10pm ~ sit down at the table for our lunch, which usually consisted of some form of soup.  you really like soup
12:30-1:30pm ~ daddy usually stayed during this time so I could work and you guys would play.  you were so surprised when you'd see me come into the living room!

** This is where the original post ended because I was exhausted and chose sleep over blogging about how exhausting our days were.  Here's what you need to know:  we did a nebulizer treatment every 4 hours and thanked the Good Lord for Bubble Guppies, followed by a hot steam shower, we fed you, we played with you, we kept you alive, kept ourselves alive & somehow managed to get some work done.  We're just thankful this didn't happen during the season or we would have moved in with Dr. Lipscomb!!!     

RSV

We are two very tired parents tonight, but at least we know why you're so sick.  You got sick the day your dad & I were flying back from our vacation to Mexico.  I don't think the timing was a coincidence....you are clearly trying to get us to never leave you again.  Nicely played.

I took you to the doctor on Wednesday & he said it was an ear infection caused by teething.  By the end of the day I knew he was wrong.  I didn't know exactly what was wrong, but I knew it was much more than an ear infection.  I called the doctor on Thursday, but they said to give it more time.  Again, I knew you were getting sicker & something was wrong.  Friday morning, your Dad & I had enough waiting and scheduled an appointment.  They said you have RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus) and it is awful.  You have an awful cough, you can't breathe, you won't eat, and your getting dehydrated.  There are times you feel so badly, you just start to cry.  You have cried more in the last 48 hours than you have the entire 10 months you've been alive.

it

is

heartbreaking

Yet, through it all you still flash your amazing smile at us.  You laugh when we play with you.  You are so tough. You also share!  You so sweetly shared your nasty virus with your Dad & I.  Thanks baby girl!

So, we will make you breathe the nebulizer every 4 hours.  We will hold you when you cry.  We will laugh when you laugh.  We will do everything in our power to make you feel better.  We will sleep when you are off at college.

Skin Tests & Suckers

You went to an allergist today so we could figure out what was making you sick sometimes.  I was so nervous for you.  I've had allergy skin tests and they are uncomfortable, I didn't want that for you...but here we are anyway.  The doctor told your dad & I that our allergies combined to doom you.  Sorry about that.  Anyway, your allergic to cow's milk.  Hopefully it's news to you that you ever had this allergy & all is good now!  Back to today though.  You. Were. A. Rockstar.  You just laid on your cute tummy while the nurse did the skin pricks, after each one you'd look over your shoulder at her like "what the heck are you doin lady?" Then when your body started reacting to the milk protien, you just laid there like nothing was happening, enjoying your allergen-free sucker.  We love you MonkeyMooMoo & your dad and I were SO PROUD of you today!!!!! 

Don't even THINK about taking this sucker, sucker!

 TWO minutes into a 20 minute test.  Um, yeah....pretty sure you're allergic!

Just kickin it with my apple sucker